“But I don’t wanna clean my room.”
“Awww! Do we have to go to the store with you?”
“Are we having that for breakfast again?”
“I hate doing chores.”
I heard that sort of thing all the time when my kids were younger — whining and complaining that seemed bound and determined to make me crazy!
There was something I learned with time; the more I allowed the complaining to go on, the worse it became! It was an infuriating, mom-trying cycle, and until I was willing to stick my foot in the spokes and stop it, it would continue spinning on and on until I lost my temper.
And when I lose my temper I feel like a miserable mom. I always have to go pray and repent and then ask my kids for forgiveness for all the frustration they incited, but that I allowed!
Several years ago, when my kids were younger, I finally reached my limit on the complaining.
A Simple Trick for Curbing the Complaints
That’s when I created the Complaining Jar. No, the jar never complained, (thank heavens!), but every time someone in the family complained, about anything any time, they had to put a quarter in the jar.
And no one was exempt. In fact, I paid my fair share of penalties, especially when you got me talking about my laundry room at the time.
Well, it wasn’t really a laundry room. It was more like a laundry closet and it was so small it barely contained a washer and dryer and one bottle of detergent, let alone provided ample room for laundry baskets and clean/dirty clothes for SIX people! And as if that wasn’t frustrating enough, it was in my kitchen which doubled as a dining room, which doubled as a schoolroom. So as if we weren’t cramped enough in our kitchen/dining room/schoolroom, we also had to have…
And I would groan at myself, because I would realize I was doing it again. Complaining. And there would go another quarter…
When I told my husband about this, he immediately asked when we were taking our trip to England, since no doubt the complaining jar would fill up fast! A trip to England would have been nice of course, but the jar was actually very effective! My kids would remind one another about the complaining before I ever had a chance to do so, and sometimes they would even catch themselves complaining and they would go for their quarters without me ever saying a word.
It was very effective at a time when my kids just seemed especially given to grumbling and discontent. Which got me to toying with some new ideas! Like a tattling jar. A pouting jar? Maybe an arguing jar!
Oh, the possibilities, right? 😉
I love it! Anything will go on as long as you'll let it. Someday, their future spouses will thank you for raising a non-complainer, someone who will find the best in a situation instead of the worse.
As for jars, I started off the 1st day of January 2013 with a Blessings Jar. It's pretty large & sit on the top of our fridge. The idea is for each person in our family to write on a piece of paper anything that has been a blessing in their lives. We plan to read through them on New Year's Eve. There are so many little blessings in our lives daily & if we aren't careful, they are easily forgotten. This will hopefully be a way to remember & 'count our blessings' =)
That's an awesome idea, especially the thought of saving them to read on New Year's Eve. So far, the whole jar approach is proving pretty effective. I'm thinking I could reeeally get carried away it! 🙂
A wonderful idea! A bit of reality hit me yesterday when we left storytime at the library and headed out to find some lunch. Wednesdays are our treat days and my children always look forward too it. My boys were arguing where we were gonna eat at. There may have even been a fist fight in the back of my van. Then I heard a comment, "If we eat there, I won't eat a single thing." I was floored! The reality part was, "I am raising spoiled brats here." I mean how many children in London alone, would have loved for their Mommy to take them to the library. Plus go out to eat? Most kids would gladly ate anywhere and even be thankful for .99 cent cheeseburger. I had the children buckle back up and I drove them home. They had pb&j sandwiches for lunch. Oh the agony! I felt quite smug that I finally felt like I had control once again. Next week we shall try it again. Can't help but wonder the outcome. Not sure why I blubbered all this out, but I guess I just had to get it off my chest. 🙂
Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with children who decide to be difficult sometimes! It's so easy to complain when we don't get our way, (even as adults!,) and I want to see that tendency curbed in ME as much as in my children. Sometimes I know we all complain without even realizing we're doing it. But this approach is DEFINITELY bringing it to our attention!
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I don't guess I know you but we are suppose to go to Bond,KY next week for youth camp. It is so beautiful up there.:)
It's so nice to "meet" you! I always love running into fellow bloggers! 🙂
And I hope you have a wonderful time at camp. Thanks so much for coming by!
This sound like a good idea, but our kids don't have an income. Maybe my complaining jar will be full of extra chores or exercises. My mom made a can that we put quarters in when we left the lights on and weren't in the room anymore. When the can was full we used the money to buy Bibles for Russia.
Our kids don't have a consistent income either, I'm afraid, but occasionally they get some money for extra chores or for their birthdays. Oh, and I should have included this, but since my youngest really has virtually no money at all…I have a stash of candy that they bring home from various church activities or parties and when he complains, a piece of candy goes in the trash. Believe it or not, that works for him as well as having to pay money! He values his candy, believe me!
But I think any number of little penalties for complaining could work well. The key to stopping it is bringing it to their attention, I think. Your suggestions are good ones! Thanks for sharing…
Hi there–from one Eastern KY girl to another! I'm displaced right now, to Western KY which I love for different reasons, but am always excited to stumble across another KY blogger 🙂
Love the complaining jar, and thanks for sharing at Thriving Thursdays!
I had no idea you were in Kentucky! Now I'm even MORE glad I found your blog! And thank you so much for the opportunity to link up. I love the network of awesome women/moms/wives I'm discovering in the world of blogging!
This is a great Idea. So how long do you do this for till you start over and who gets the quarters??
They really did begin to improve in the complaining department almost immediately after I started this, but I still use it as a deterrent when I need to. And we've laughed and said we'll use the money toward a 25th wedding anniversary to England, but I'm beginning to think this little collection won't help us much! 😉