(This one was originally part of a series that, when I wrote it, was more or less half personal diary and half ‘homeschooling manifesto’. The things I wrote back then still ring true in my heart and mind today. And while my blog is still unassumingly small, it has nevertheless grown ten-times over since the days when I wrote these things, so I thought it might be time to share these posts again…)
They say confession is good for the soul. Well my soul will be experiencing lots of goodness in this blogpost! And hopefully you won’t think worse of me by the time it’s all through…
Like I told you, after being practically anti-homeschool for the better part of my life, I slowly and reluctantly came to recognize that homeschooling could be a good thing and that public school rarely is. But realizing that did not mean I was ready to consider homeschooling my own children!
There were several excuses I would throw out on those rare occasions when the subject of homeschooling came up and, to some extent, I suppose there was validity to each of them.. But it’s time to be honest! All those excuses were just a cover-up for the real reason why I had no intention of homeschooling.
I always insisted I didn’t have the patience for it. I was concerned about the day my children reached higher math. I feared I couldn’t possibly cover everything I needed to cover and do so with multiple children, all at the same time. They were all legitimate concerns. Maybe.
But the real reason, the underlying motive behind my decision, the one I was so careful to conceal with all my meticulously designed excuses was this: I would never homeschool because…I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO.
That doesn’t sound very profound, I realize, but stick with me here because that truth was the biggest obstacle to me homeschooling my children. Once the complete unwillingness was overcome, it’s amazing how my entire perspective of education and childrearing and even motherhood began to change.
.
Now some of the things I’m about to say here sound ridiculous to me now. I’ve had the time to do a lot of soul-searching and I think I’m seeing much more clearly the things that matter in life and the things that really don’t. And some of these things definitely do NOT! But humbling as it is, I’m determined to share with you some of the messed-up thinking of my past, no matter how petty I sound in the process. So here you go….
I didn’t want to homeschool because...
1. I wanted a clean house. I am by no means a clean freak, but I honestly did look forward to the day I could ship all the kids off to school and clean and do laundry and decorate and have the cute, (and CLEAN,) mazagine-cover-worthy little home I knew I could have if I really had the time to devote to it.
2. I wanted the freedom to come and go at will, (at least during the daytime.) I wasn’t looking for the chance to travel to distant, exotic locations. I just wanted to be able to go to the grocery store on a whim! I wanted the opportunity to run errands, do volunteer work, visit a friend, or check out the big sale at Dillards without having to drag four children along with me or go to the trouble of finding babysitters.
3. I wanted to enjoy silence and solitude in my home, at least every once in a while! I wanted more opportunities to think and pray and just be alone on occasion without the noise and chaos of having children in my company 24/7.
And this is the biggie:
4. I wanted the time to pursue the dreams that having children has pushed to the wayside. Some people look forward to the day they can go back to school or have time for a beloved hobby or pursue entrepreneurial endeavors. Well I had some things I wished to do as well and I was smart enough to see that homeschooling was going to be a significant time-vaccuum. The only hope? Get those kids out of the house so I could do the things I wanted to do!
So, truth be told, as much as I adored my children and as much I felt ready to give the world for each of them, I also viewed them as a considerable inconvenience.
Ouch. There goes my Mother of the Year nomination…
I never admitted my feelings to myself. In fact, I’m not sure I even realized I thought that way! But I don’t believe that kind of thinking is unusual. Sadly, it’s all too common and I never realized I had fallen prey to a mindset of the world. Society itself in subtle and not-so-subtle ways teaches us that children are a bother. They disrupt our plans. They try our patience. They limit our abilities. They can be like a ball and chain that weighs us down, hindering our success and robbing us of fulfillment.
Society teaches us we can’t handle our children. We can’t manage them. We can’t deal with the stress they add to our lives and we certainly can’t teach them! So the best thing to do is send them off to school as early and as often as possible.
But while society is teaching that attitude, the Bible teaches something very different. Nowhere in scripture is there any indication that God hands out children without also providing parents everything they need to handle them, provided they tap into the supply of grace so readily available to them. He said His grace is sufficient, did He not? And nowhere does scripture indicate parents are incapable of teaching their children either. In fact, we are commanded to do it! This passage from Deuteronomy is the homeschooling mantra, but only because its message is so powerful.
Now…I was determined I wouldn’t draw this subject out again, but I have more to say and I’m afraid it just can’t be helped! I haven’t explained the things that helped conquer that unwilling, (and selfish,) attitude of mine when it came to homeschooling.God has such a sense of humor, I think. And it never ceases to amaze me the things He can do through our circumstances, even through our utter failures….
Keep up the story,Im loving it!!! There is nothing like homeschooling our children and spending time with them .I know this was Gods will for me and Im trusting him to carry us thru!With Gods help anyone can do it!
It's been an amazing experience for me! I never dreamed I'd even try it, let alone believe in it so strongly!
Awesome . . . I LOVE it!!! I really needed to read this. Thank you.
Wow, your story is alot like mine. 🙂 I always thought my kids would GO TO SCHOOL… but now that I actually have kids, I don't want to give them away, yet I sometimes am relieved at some of the peace and quiet once they are gone. I am now much more open to homeschool and have been praying that God give me the *want* to, cause right now even though I know it's the right thing to do, and I will… I still dont WANT TO. I am still seeing a disasterously dirty house, my life consumed by grading papers and giving tests… I know that's not all it is, but sometimes that's all I see. I need God to give me a heavier burden for my kids – does that make **ME** a bad mom??
Not at all! It makes you human. But I know from experience God can help you see much, much more in homeschooling. His grace has definitely been sufficient and this homeschooling thing has gotten easier and easier as we've gone along. Keep praying the way you are and I know He'll help you, too!
I experienced some of the same feeling before we began our homeschool journey, some 6 yrs ago. I quickly determined that homeschooling wouldn't mean abandoning the things that are important to me. After all, I'm hard-wired this way, this is who I am … ya know, this is what needs to happen for me to retain sanity 😉
So, instead of thinking I'd never have a clean house again, or crying at the thoughts of never having a moment to myself, I began to replan, restructure. I embraced the opportunity to continue teaching my sons about the importance of being neat, tidy, cleaning up after one's self, orderliness, respecting our home. Teaching them self-control & the importance of individual quiet time gave me some necessary moments throughout the day for important things, like showering, fixing my hair, etc…lol. No, it was never that hectic. I had a few minutes for reading, devotions, etc.
Your home will only be chaotic if you permit it to be. Your days will only end up in disaster if you are less than determined for it to be otherwise. Structure & purposeful living is paramount to keeping things running smoothly. The bonus: ALL these habits & qualities that you are diligently teach your children will benefit them throughout their entire lives {& in my case with having all sons, it will make them excellent husbands someday too! lol}.
Always remember, some things we don't do because they're easy, we do them because they are right. I have seen Matthew 6:33 ring true over & over again … "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
http://www.callherblessed-angela.blogspot.com
So true! I have to confess to some pretty chaotic days in the beginning, but it was amazing how quickly I got in the swing of things and developed a workable schedule. The younger the children, the more of a challenge it can be in some areas, but like you said, I've disciplined MYSELF to train the kids to help me more around the house and that has been an incredible blessing! It teaches them responsibility and helps me out, too!
One of my 6 year old's chores is cleaning up and vacuuming the hallway every morning and I laugh when he moans and hollers at his brother and sisters! "Why don't you all put your stuff away! I get so tired of cleaning up after you all every morning!"
Sounds sooo like his mother!
Beautiful post that speaks to my heart.
Love this post….it rings true for myself as well.
Home schooling was never an option for me. I had to work full time to make ends meet. I have nephew that was homeschooled and when he was finally old enough to get a job in the real world, it was such a culture shock to him. My daughter graduated regular school and college. He stood her faith and was often a witness to others but it was such a struggle for her. If I had to do it all again, I would meet in the middle and send her to a private Christian school. Public Schools now days are terrible.
I feel for people whose life situations make it impossible for them to homeschool and I wish there were more affordable options available for them besides public school. It can often be a terrible environment. And I know several homeschool grads who will agree with you: Entering the workforce was a complete culture shock for them. None of the ones I know, however, regret for a moment those years they were nurtured and protected from exposure to some things. If anything, the shock has convinced them more than ever that being kept from the public school system was a blessing, not a hindrance.
Thanks so much for reading, Lisa!
Rings so true to my heart. Thank you for sharing, being vulnerable, and spreading the good word!
And thank you for stopping by today, Elizabeth!
I am on the same journey and had most of the reasons you had to not home-school. I started this year and am loving it and my kids do too. I prayed for wisdom and discernment and it has helped change my priorities and life for the better. I have a better understanding of my role as a wife and mother. Thanks for your posts I am enjoying them.
I am so glad you're finding joy in your homeschooling journey. I truly can't imagine my life if I hadn't started down this road! Thank you so much for reading, Amber!
I love to come across honest posts. Another reason we all need His grace, and how when we accept it as a gift, He changes us for the better. Many blessings to you & your littles.
Thank you so much, Deborah. Where would we be without His grace?
I don't homeschool, and I don't feel bad about it. It really isn't best for me or my children. But more power to those who do!
I would never wish to make anyone feel bad for not homeschooling. At the same time, however, I'm so thankful that I do. It's been a tremendous source of growth and blessing for me as well as for my family.
Thank you for reading, Brittany!
Very good! I worked as public school tutor. It is nice to have perfect order and construction every day in mother and child's life….but reality sets in and spirituality, love and truth need to come before order set by man. order Set by God lasts for eternity.
Learning to "go with the flow" when necessary has been one of the greatest lessons I've taken in since I started homeschooling. Structure is good, but flexibility is even better and of course focusing on God and His word is the most important of all.
Thanks for reading, Laura!