I had been homeschooling for a while when I wrote this, but was still baffled, I think, to find myself doing so. For years I had insisted I would NEVER homeschool, which I thought at the time somehow made me unique among homeschooling moms. I’ve since learned how wrong I was in that department, but now that the oh-my-goodness-how-did-I-end-up-homeschooling?? feeling has long since faded away, I still like to look back and remember the road that led me into an educational choice and a way of life I never dreamed I would experience.)
My “homeschool epiphany,” as I like to call it, didn’t happen overnight. I never saw an angel, I had no supernatural dreams, and I never heard the audible voice of God directing me to homeschool my children. The process, (and notice I said process,) was a slow one. Through time and careful research and diligent prayer and one interesting “happenstance” after another, my opinions evolved over time into what they are today.
You see, my less-than-favorable view of homeschooling goes way, way back. Not many people were homeschooling when I was a kid in the 80s, but I knew a handful who did and, if I may be honest, they weren’t exactly stellar examples of what homeschooling can be. And, unfortunately, those first impressions were lasting impressions for me. Even as a child I understood the importance of a good education and I just didn’t see homeschooling providing that.
I’ll cut myself a little slack here because I was a child when I came to that conclusion, but, sadly, the anti-homeschooling mentality stayed with me for years to come.
Add to it that I myself was a product of the public school system. I went to public school K-12 and graduated with what I considered a very good education. And I didn’t sacrifice my Christian testimony in the process, either! By the grace of God I lived my faith throughout my public school years and had many opportunities to be a light and a witness for Christ. And in the years immediately following graduation, I clearly recall insisting that my own children, (who didn’t exist yet,) would go to public school just as I had done. There they could receive a fine education and have an opportunity to show the light of Christ to others.
But my ideas and opinions have been turned upside-down since those days! First of all, just because somebody I knew way-back-when gave their homeschool a lackluster effort does not mean homeschooling can’t be done very, very well. Some people are awful basketball players, but that doesn’t make basketball a terrible sport. Even an unathletic, uncoordinated, out-of-shape person can learn to play a decent game of 3-on-3 or H-O-R-S-E, provided he’s willing to invest some time and effort into honing his skills. In the same way, with the proper investment of time and effort even an uncertain, inexperienced, feeling-anything-but-qualified parent can hone their homeschooling skills until they’re an adequate, if not exceptional teacher to their children!
And I know there are those of you thinking, “Okay. Maybe it can be done well, but that doesn’t mean it can be done well by me.“ Save that thought. I’ll get to it eventually…
Once the bloom of high school graduation had fully faded and especially as I had children of my own, my view of those public school years began to change. I began to realize that the good education I received had far more to do with my own motivation to learn and my love of reading than it had to do with any of the public school methods. And that’s no insult to any of my teachers! I had some very good teachers who did the best they could with the class sizes they were handed and the cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all education they were expected to provide. My high school biology teacher taught me to love science for the first time ever in my life. Though I had struggled for years with even the most basic math concepts, an extraordinary math teacher somehow helped me grasp trigonometry so well I excelled at it and even found myself loving it! That was pretty amazing. And I appreciate these teachers’ contributions to my education.
But that said, it would be unjust not to also mention some of the very bad teachers I had in the course of my school years, like the angry 3rd grade teacher whose constant yelling left me terrified of her and constantly faking illness so I didn’t have to go to school. Then there was the 7th grade history teacher who always seemed lost in class and one day couldn’t read a graph until I finally went in my frustration to her desk and explained it to her. I can’t forget the angry algebra teacher who only got frustrated when people didn’t understand, so students stopped asking questions and learned to hate algebra and not do algebra. There was also the 9th grade World Civ teacher who spent every class period telling us about the evils of political conservatives and the 12th grade English teacher who ignored English and taught moral relativism to the point we questioned if murder was really always wrong. I could go on and on.
But what about the issue of being a light for Christ in the public school? Oh, how my mind has changed on that one, too! Granted, by some miracle of grace I survived public school with my faith intact, but it was a dangerous gamble I refuse to take with my own children. We all hope our kids will stand for Christ when put in a situation where they must choose, but to ship them off to school for hours every day in hopes they’ll be salt and light might actually be more like throwing them to the lions and hoping they know how to run! To expect a child or even a teenager to stand for Christ in circumstances that may be far beyond their spiritual grounding and maturity, especially when their faith comes under fire from adults placed in their authority, is an awful lot to expect.
And even if that child manages to be a light for Christ, like it or not, at least some of their innocence will be sacrificed in the process.
I was exposed to absolute filth at far too young an age in the public schools. My parents could monitor the children who came to our home and limit the playtime we had with neighborhood kids, but they had no control over who sat behind me on the bus or who I met in the hallway at my school or who sat beside me in class. Pornography regularly made its rounds on the school bus. Bad language started in the elementary grades, but was rampant by middle school. I would be embarrassed to share here some of the discussions that went on openly in class as early as 6th and 7th grade.
I had to listen to classmates spew the details of the music they listened to and the movies they watched and was sometimes even expected to listen to it or watch it right in class. We watched an R-rated movie in the 5th grade, one so gory I only made it about 2 minutes in before I asked the teacher if I could leave the class. My classmates later informed me I missed full nudity as well. I still remember those bloody images some 25+ years later.
In middle and high school, particularly around holidays or testing periods, movies with horrible language, extreme violence, or graphic sexual content were allowed to play with no regard from a teacher busy grading papers or reorganizing their supplies. Sometimes such movies were hand-picked for their “educational benefit” and shown to the class. Looking back now, I don’t even know why I never protested, except that it seemed pointless. It was an ungodly place: It didn’t surprise me they were watching ungodly things. And while it was offensive, it was also incredibly common and not much different from the trash I heard in the hallways or saw on the bus, so rather than make a scene, I would quietly ask to be excused from the room. To their credit, I never had a teacher refuse me when I asked to opt out and go to the library for the class period, though I had friends who were not so fortunate at their particular schools.
I’ve been out of school 18 years now. No one can convince me its gotten better and most people will agree it’s far worse. And urban, suburban, or rural school district–it really doesn’t seem to matter. My husband graduated from one of the top school districts in the state of Texas, a rural district with top-notch schools and some of the best teachers in the state. He insists his school was no different from mine.
But remembering all of this the way I do, seeing my own public school experience for what it really was, I don’t want to put my child in that kind of environment when there is an alternative. I can’t speak for anyone else and I don’t try to tell anyone else what to do, but I just can’t.
So what is the alternative? Christian school is the obvious choice, but Christian schools aren’t cheap and for far too many people they just aren’t a financially viable option. And while there are many fine Christian schools out there, sometimes I feel many parents are all-too-eager to enroll their children in schools where the term “Christian” actually applies very loosely. A school filled with delinquent public school outcasts cannot provide a good environment for Christian education, but neither can one filled with students and teachers who all claim Christianity, yet live lives that demonstrate absolutely no difference from the world. Sometimes a school filled with blatant sinners can be less dangerous to a young mind than one filled with religious hypocrites who have all had an “experience with Christ,” yet in no way has it affected the way they live their lives.
I know, I know. I’m too wordy. But you have no idea how much I’ve brooded over all these things. My decision to homeschool is not one I’ve taken lightly. And no, I’m still not done with the subject here. Even when I had decided that homeschooling could be done effectively and that public school absolutely was not an option, I had yet to conquer my greatest objections to homeschooling my own children.
And that’s where the real epiphany began…
I could not have said it better.
You've said alot of things I've thought about over the past couple of years since having the girls.
Maybe because we grew up together and seen the same examples….
*I don't think I could have made it through my public high school years as well as I did if it wasn't for having you there in school with me as a faithful friend. I would never want to subject my girls to that kind of enviroment (I remember some of those teachers – more bad then good…)
*Then I've seen the kids sent to "Christian" school and became so mixed up in their doctrine I have no idea what church they attend now.
*Then there's the homeschool child I remember that could barely read a four word sentence at the age of ten.
Homeschooling done "right" I believe is the best option. I just worry that I wouldn't be able to…
I'm enjoying reading about your new journey.
It's amazing how your perspective changes when you have children of your own! I look back on those years in public school and wonder sometimes how we survived. It had to be the grace of God! But I'm being amazed now at the grace He's giving me as I take a different direction with our children.
So glad you're reading!
Tanya, I'm sitting in my office at work with tears streaming down my face. I have wanted to homeschool my kids for a long time, but because of financial reasons, they are in public school and I am working. God has been convicting my heart over the last few weeks that the time is now. I am waiting for him to put the same conviction on my husband's (anti-homeschooler) heart. You have eloquently echoed the same things about public school that I was just telling my co-worker after receiving a phone call from the school telling me that my 8 yr old son was sent to the counselor's office for saying something very vulgar about another student. We are a Christian family. We closely monitor everything that our children are exposed to but, like you said (and I have been saying) we can't monitor what they see or hear at school. There is no doubt in my mind that what he said, he heard at school. My heart is broken. We also live in KY and I am doing my research now. I am preparing for homeschool. I trust that God is going to open the door that He has shown me. I just have to be patient and wait for my husband (and a way to make an income while at home). Thank you for this! It's so reaffirming.
My heart goes out to you, Tangi. Believe me, God can do great things through your willing heart. And never doubt he can change the heart of your husband as well. I have a dear friend whose husband was totally opposed to homeschooling, but he's a great homeschooling advocate today!
I'll be praying for you and trusting God to make a way for you to follow your desire to homeschool. I believe with all my heart He can make a way where there seems to be no way. He did it for me! 🙂
I like how you point out that there are good teachers and there are some that aren't as good. I had some teachers in school that I learned a lot from, but others that I learned absolutely nothing in their class. I can understand why parents want to homeschool their children.
I had some excellent teachers in the course of my public school education, some who were very committed and very gifted in their profession. But I can't forget having some very bad teachers as well. I wouldn't say the bad were in the majority, but the exceptional were very, very rare and even some of my best teachers on occasion allowed things to go on in class that had no useful place in our education and I would never permit in my own home. That along with so much negative influence from my peers, public school just wasn't an option for us.
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time comment. 🙂
I think it depends which public school you went to as well. I went to public school growing up, and somehow I really wasn't exposed to a lot. The worst was some boys talking about going to a strip club during my junior year (and they didn't give any details. Just were saying they were excited to go).
But then I saw the school system around where we live now–and yeah, my boys are going to a private Christian school now. And I'm going to teach in public.
Certainly some public schools are worse than others. I've talked to a handful of people who, like you, had very few negative experiences in public school, but I think it's safe to say they are in the minority. I grew up in what would probably be considered a safe, conservative suburban school district, and I still was exposed to far more than I ever should have been. I have no doubt many urban schools are far worse.
I am glad that you have chosen to homeschool! There is a video that I think you would love…Indoctrination of Public Schools and the Decline of Christianity in America. You can order it at Amazon.com. It is a must see for parents. It is an eye-opener to say the very least. I loan my copy out to everyone I can.
God bless you and your homeschooling endeavors.
Chris
So Much at Home somuchathome.blogspot.com
I've seen it, Chris! And you're right, Indoctrination is an incredible eye-opener for Christians. I had the privilege of meeting Colin Gunn at the Teach Them Diligently Convention in Nashville a year and a half ago. While I was already homeschooling when I first saw the documentary, it helped steel my resolve to keep it up. And, like you, I've shared our copy with several friends.
Thanks so much for reading, Chris!
This is a very insightful post. We want to homeschool, not for the same reasons on their face, but for the same ideas. As I get older and have gone through various stages of education myself, I see more and more clearly how public school stunted me in some ways, how I was turned off or away from topics or subjects that highly interested me at the time. I see teh effect of this in my life on occasion, as well. 🙂
Swinging over from Mommy Moments Monday!
You bring up another good point that I didn't even address in this post. While I dealt with a lot of the negative things I was exposed to in public school, I never spoke to the issue of the public school structure and how that alone prevents students from pursuing areas of interest and does nothing to encourage independent learning.
Thanks for stopping by today to share your thoughts!
I love this
"We all hope our kids will stand for Christ when put in a situation where they must choose,but to ship them off to school for hours every day in hopes they'll be salt and light might actually be more like throwing them to the lions and hoping they know how to run!"
That is my thoughts exactly to the Salt and Light arguement. it drives me nuts!! Anyway, great post! Thanks for sharing 🙂 Stopping by from the Raising Homemakers Link up
Thank you so much for reading, Misty. I used to be a big believer in the 'salt and light' argument because I had many opportunities to be a witness in my public school years. But having children of my own changed my perception of things a lot. While certainly kids can share the light of Christ, to place them in that sort of environment and expect them to stand strong, even against authority, is putting some incredible pressure on them when most kids just are not mature enough to handle it. Not to even mention that their impressionable minds and hearts are often being inundated with anti-God, anti-Bible ideas daily.
Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing your heart! Please consider linking up at "My Teacher's Name is Mama" Theology Thursdays FOR KIDS!!! (Link-Up EVERY Thursday)
http://myteachersnameismama.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much for the invitation, Jessica. I love the name of your blog! I'll be checking it out for sure.
Excellent article and your looking back on public school years was eerily similar to mine. However, I was homeschooled my second year in high school. When it comes to convincing husbands sometimes the best convincing is from other men. I don't know why exactly but all the convincing and books I left in the bathroom and powerpoint presentations(lol, I didn't do any powerpoints) didn't do a bit of good compared to two other men who had children that homeschooled who talked to my husband and told him that they too had similar thoughts and homeschooling isn't that scary and more. Maybe reach out to some homeschool groups or people from church that homeschool and invite them over for a sit down and let the husbands go do some talking, wives stay out of it but pray for their hearts to be open.
Even my own husband wasn't entirely pro-homeschooling in the beginning. It did make it easier that he was very pro-Christian education, but it took him some time to warm up completely to the idea of homeschooling. The more he learned, however, and the more homeschoolers he met and read about, the more his confidence in it grew. I've learned that nagging rarely accomplishes anything good. But patience and prayer can change minds 'a plenty!
Thank you for reading today!