But I’m okay with that.
Now you notice I didn’t say I like it because I don’t like it one bit, but it’s the reality I’ve been handed and I’m learning to deal with it. Coming to accept it has been a long and arduous journey, but I refuse to live my life tormented in mind over the fact my house isn’t perfect.
I read an article the other day called, “Confessions of a former perfectionist,” by Heather Lende, who admitted to once consuming herself with a spotless home and perfect dinners while involving herself in more civic activities than might seem humanly possible, especially for a mother of four small children who also worked as an obituary writer for her local newspaper. She managed an incredibly busy schedule, children, and a home and did so perfectly!
Or so it seemed. Lende explained that she did all those things to the detriment of her friends and family. It was only when she was hit by a truck, (literally, she says,) and was put on her back for weeks with a broken pelvis that things really began to come into perspective for her.
I understand, at least to a degree. I was never a complete perfectionist, but I certainly wished to be. Nor was I ever hit by a truck. Thankfully!
My own epiphany moment came in the form of a fourth child. I had things pretty well under control until his arrival, but then came Peanut, all 6 pounds of him, and that sweet, tiny, harmless-looking baby boy turned my world upside down! He practically refused to sleep and wanted to nurse on a constant basis and to make it all worse, two of my other three, who had been angelic babies themselves, turned into rotten toddlers always vying for what little attention their stressed, sleep-deprived mother had left to give them. There were other changes around the same time that worsened the effect, like a job change for my husband that meant dreadfully long hours for him at work and therefore dreadfully long hours for me alone with four children.
And my pretty little house was just destroyed in the chaos of it all. There were a lot of days I did well to wash a single load of clothes. That would be my only real accomplishment at the end of the day, aside from feeding children, filling sippy cups, and wiping bottoms. The carpet went unvacuumed. The sinks went unwiped. The clutter went untouched or simply worsened.
I cried a lot, but you know what? Nobody died. Nobody was crushed under the clutter. Nobody contracted a serious disease from a dirty toilet. We all came through it just fine.
Almost three years later, things are definitely better. Most days now I can accomplish more than a single load of laundry, but the fact remains that I have four children who demand a lot of attention and only 1100 square feet to contain all the necessary and not-so-necessary stuff for a family of six. There’s only so much I can do to keep it all in order.
In Lende’s article she says she once wrote an obituary for a woman for whom the nicest thing family and friends could think to say was, “She kept her stove clean.” Nightmarish, is it not? Surely to goodness at the end of my life people will have more to say than, “She had the cleanest floors I’ve ever seen.” Or, “You’d never see fingerprints on her doorframes!”
Heaven save me from a legacy as pitiful as that!
I would love to have a clean house. I would delight in having everything in order. I don’t like seeing a soapscumed bathtub and I don’t like tripping over dirty laundry and I despise clutter piled on a countertop. But at the same time, my house is not a museum, it’s the place where the Holt family lives and there is so, so much more to this life than a spotless house.
And I don’t say any of this to justify filthy homes that are the result of sheer laziness. A constant pigsty does nothing to glorify the Lord. But it’s also important to keep in mind that the old adage, “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” is not in the Bible no matter how many people seem to think it is and sometimes we can so obsess ourselves with those needful, but very temporal things, that we’ll neglect what matters most. Like our spouses. Our children. Our friends. Even our God.
No, I would rather attend church with my husband and children than have a clean stove and sparkling kitchen floor. I would rather sleep and therefore be a more pleasant person than stay up all hours of the night folding endless piles of laundry. I would rather learn to deal with a little untidiness than spend my days barking at my children lest they cause my “museum” to get out of order. I would rather my husband not live in fear of my wrath if he forgets to remove his muddy boots when he enters. I would rather have hobbies beyond removing every speck of dust from the ceiling fans and goals for God that surpass maintaining smudge-free mirrors.
And someday maybe having a clean home will be a little easier. The kids will be older. Their toys won’t have so many pieces. Maybe they’ll be a little less clumsy and a little more mindful of muddy shoes. (Maybe.)
But either way, I’m learning that it’s okay if my house isn’t perfect. And though I must confess I still break into a cold sweat at the prospect of an impromptu guest, I’m trying to relax about it.
After all, my house may be messy, but I feel my priorities are finally in perfect order.
Love, love, love this post. If I may add something to your story….. I became a widow a little over 2 years ago. It was a later-in-life marriage and both our children were grown so I didn't deal with children clutter. But since his passing there have been so many times I wish I had left the sink full of dishes and sat on the porch or took a walk or whatever he asked me to do instead of washing the dishes at that very moment. Glad to see you are getting your priorities in order while you are young.
It's still something I struggle with sometimes! There's a silent pressure to be "perfect" in all those visible sorts of ways. But I'm learning my limitations and trying to remember the things that really matter most! Thank you!
You mean "cleanliness is next to Godliness' is really NOT in the Bible? HA HA Oh well, I haven't been trying to live up to it anyway.
I don't think my obit will mention anything about a clean house or anything of the sort, but I just want to be remembered as someone who smiled and had a good attitude, and someone who was consistent in her christian walk.
I enjoyed reading your blog 🙂
Thank you!
Girl I soooo needed this today. Messy House = failure….to so many people. I have family who are a little beyond perfectionist's. Therefore I so wanted to be that as well. I wanted people to marvel that I could have a spotless house and have 3 kids and look like a super model as well. Oh how far from the reality that all is. This hit home with me, Josiah is now 16 months and more boy than Logan was at this age…!!Heaven help me!!! I have to say though he has been more of a joy to me than anything else I have accomplished in this lifetime. So I will do my best to be okay with a single load of laundry being done in a day's time! After all, in a few years I will have plenty of time to do all these "not so important things" all the time, while I look back over these years I am now living and examine the time spent with my kids and hopefully have NO REGRETS!!
I feel the same way, Heather! For so long I felt like such a failure for not somehow being able to hold it all together. Others did it, it seemed, so why couldn't I? But I do believe in order to achieve perfection in some areas, we have to sacrifice in others. I never want God or my husband or my kids be the things I sacrifice in order to have a perfect home.
Sis Tonya, Enjoyed reading your blog.
Rhonda Groves
So glad! Thanks!
Great post…keep the home simple and enjoy the simple things in life ~Faith and Family
Teresa
I love the phrase "My house is lived in" because thats exactly what we do. I really enjoyed reading your blog I defenitely can relate Love Annette
Visiting from Thought Provoking Thursdays and so glad I did. Great post and a wonderful perspective. As a "Nana" I have to remind myself of the same things when the little tornadoes that I adore come to visit.
Those little "tornadoes" can certainly turn our world, (AND our houses!) upside-down! But I always want to keep the mess in perspective. I've heard others say it and it's very true…the mess is just evidence HOW BLESSED I AM!
Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth!
I enjoyed reading this! I must admit, I am just now happily embracing my "job" as housewife. I feel as though I am finally getting it all together- however- there will be a new baby in June! This has reminded me that there must be a "happy medium" in the home, and, if for about 6 months past June my house is a wreck- it will be okay! It will get better. By the way- please check out my new blog justamom10.blogspot.com. Hope it makes you =c) Thanks!
Congratulations on the coming baby! I'm afraid I went into baby #3 thinking I had it all together. And then everything fell apart!! But it sounds to me like you're bracing yourself for the change, (and the mess!) which will help you make that adjustment so much easier.
I'll be checking out your blog! Thanks so much for visiting mine today, Andrea!
Great post!! I am definitely getting there with relaxing about a clean house. I have found ways of making my house "appear" clean when it may not be. You'll never see it really dirty though because if you say you're coming over I am crazy cleaning it! Following you!
Sounds like me, Ann Marie! If I even THINK company is coming I'm cleaning like crazy! 🙂 But I've definitely learned my house can't be perfect and that's okay. I want to focus always on the things that matter most.
Thanks so much for reading! And for following!
My husband reminds me that our house is always clean and that untidy on occasion doesn't mean dirty, LOL Thank you for helping to make the Thursday Favorite Things Blog hop so much fun. Big Hugs ♥
Thank you for hosting! 🙂
Well said! I have one of those clocks in my kitchen that reads, "Messy floors, dirty dishes, happy kids". Keeps me sane when the clutter builds and I don't have time to refind the surfaces just yet!
It's all about priorities, isn't it? I look forward to the day when maybe keeping a clean home becomes easier, but, then again, I know I'll miss the kid-chaos that makes our home such a joy. In the meantime, I'm with you — It's about happy kids, not a perfect house!
Thank you for reading, Lucinda!
Great post – it can be so hard to "do it all", but when we prioritize, some of those oh so important things, get pushed down the list where they belong….thanks for writing………..Gentle Joy
Thank you for reading!
enjoy the messies one day you will have a clean house after the kids are
married and on their own!BUT the good new is you will have messies again this time it will be grandkids! Your obit will read she had time for family and friends!!! God Bless!!
Sue
I've heard that time and time again…enjoy the mess because you'll miss it when they're all gone. I'm sure I will!
Thanks for stopping in today!
Amen! Great post! There are SO many more important things than having a house without a fingerprint anywhere : )
I would definitely hate to think I'd waste my life worrying all the time about something so silly. I can't say my priorities are always where they ought to be, but I certainly want to do a better job of keeping the important things where they belong!
Tanya, you have once again written a wonderful and inspirational post! Just this morning I looked around my house at last night's dishes, several days' worth of laundry, sewing stuff, art stuff, school stuff, and I felt so discouraged. Thank you for helping me keep things in perspective! (I don' think I'm in any danger of having, "She kept a spotless house," on my tombstone!) 😉
I KNOW I'll never be accused of having a spotless house!! But I sure hope I'm keeping all my TRUE priorities in their proper place.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Wendy! Bless you!