Unless you’re one of those curmudgeonly, Scroogy types, Christmas holds an ethereal, almost magical quality: The music. The greenery. The lights. The gleam of anticipation in the eyes of children. It’s a joyous, delightful season!
So how is it that such a lovely time of year is almost always cram-packed with STRESS?
It’s our own fault, moms. Let’s face it. We’re the queens of over-commitment. We over-plan, over-schedule, over-buy, and over-obligate! Saying NO to good times and good causes and good friends can sometimes seem to go against our very natures.
But, my dear friends, it’s okay to say no sometimes. Really. In fact, learning to say no, especially during the holidays, can often save us boatloads of time and tears. So listen up, ladies!
1. It’s okay to say NO to party invitations.
Sometimes the only way to make it to every party and event at Christmastime is to push ourselves to the very edge of our sanity, which only serves to make us exhausted, stressed-out, grouchy wives and mothers. Lord forbid we please everyone else by making it to every. single. get-together., all while being a holy terror to those of our own household!
I realize it’s tough, but sometimes we have to pick and choose which invitations to accept. It’s not about playing favorites, it’s about being realistic with our time and energies. So prioritize the invitations and let go of the guilt. (And don’t make excuses, either. RSVP to say you won’t be attending and be done with it.)
2. It’s okay to say NO to requests for help.
I’m kind of a stickler when it comes to keeping commitments, so if you’ve already volunteered to make costumes for the Christmas play or to bake pies for the Christmas benefit dinner, I advise you to stick to it and do what you said you’d do.
But taking on new obligations is another matter.
It can be really hard to say no, especially when it’s for a good cause, but remember that NO doesn’t mean you don’t care or you don’t want to help. It simply means you’ve considered the time and effort the commitment will require and you are unable to assist this time around. There should be no guilt in that.
3. It’s okay to say NO to organized gift exchanges.
Some well-meaning lady in your Bible study group has proposed a gift exchange. But, uh-oh… you just remembered your kids are doing a gift exchange in their youth group. And your husband has one at work. And you’ve been doing a gift exchange with four of your neighbors for years! So where do you come up with the extra money for all these gift exchanges, not to mention the time to shop for them, especially when you’re not even done shopping for your own children?
Rather than criticize the one who made the suggestion… Yeah, it’s easy for her to talk about a gift exchange! She doesn’t have any kids! And her and her husband both work!…why not kindly and respectfully bow out? You don’t have to whine about your financial status. (In fact, please don’t!) Just say you would rather not participate this time. (But then, of course, don’t come to the Christmas party expecting to receive a gift. Believe it or not, I’ve actually been to an exchange or two where people didn’t bring gifts, but still expected to receive one.)
4. It’s okay to say NO to extensive decorating.
Last year, Christmas decorating almost didn’t happen for us at all. We were in the midst of selling our home and we were showing the house throughout the month of December. I had to stick to the basics both for time’s sake and to keep my small house looking as large and open as possible. I didn’t particularly like it, but light decorating was necessary. And I didn’t die from it! 🙂
I know you want your house to look a page out of Southern Living. I do, too! But sometimes, certain years in particular, it just isn’t practical. Don’t feel bad for limiting the decorating when doing so may save you a lot of time and stress.
5. It’s okay to say NO to Christmas baking.
Hey, I love filling my house with the aroma of pies and cookies and candies, and I love passing them along to friends and family, but Christmas baking can take an incredible amount of time! If baking is a priority with you because it’s something you enjoy, then let other things go and by all means bake to your heart’s content! But don’t do it out of obligation. Uncle John may be a little disappointed you didn’t make his favorite chocolate-caramel-pecan fudge this year, but he’ll be okay. Trust me. 😉
*Oh, and don’t fall for the myth that says homemade gifts are always cheaper than store-bought ones. It’s not always true. It’s not hard to spend a small fortune on ingredients for holiday baking, plus the containers to share them in!
6. It’s okay to say NO to gift wrapping.
I’m not suggesting you deliver your gifts in plastic grocery bags, but don’t feel like you have to spend lots of time and money wrapping gifts or paying others to do it for you. I LOVE beautiful packages wrapped in velvet ribbon and accented with holly sprigs and jingle bells, but that stuff takes a lot of time, especially when you consider most of it winds up in the trash!
My dear moms, GIFT BAGS ARE OUR FRIENDS! Don’t feel bad using them! And discount stores sell packs of lovely printed gift boxes that look very nice without any wrapping. Add some curly ribbon or a peel-and-stick bow and you have a perfectly acceptable gift without having to wrap!
And incidentally, I wrap my children’s presents because I love seeing their excitement as they tear the paper open, but gifts for others don’t always get the same consideration. And you know what? I haven’t heard a single complaint yet!
7. It’s okay to say NO to gift giving altogether.
Now don’t misunderstand me here: I know it is more blessed to give than to receive, but it’s important to give responsibly and with the right motive, and often that truth gets lost at Christmastime.
Spending more money than you have is unwise. Period. You also shouldn’t feel pressured to give out of obligation or as part of some competition.… They always buy for me, so I have to buy for them… She always buys the teacher a really nice gift, so I better do the same… I wouldn’t buy so much for my children, but my sister buys her kids such elaborate gifts and I think it makes me look bad…
Stop it, moms! Don’t fall into the gift comparison trap.
Excellent points – I'm with you on this. In fact, some of these we could say no to ALL YEAR ROUND, not just at Christmas…
Found you at the Hope In Every Season linky party and I'm pleased I did!
Exactly right — most of us could benefit from learning to say NO a little more often all year long, for the sake of our sanity and our relationships with those who matter most to us. We were never intended to be Super Women!
So glad you found me, Alison. Thanks for stopping by!
You are so right about all of these! I think you have to have a few Christmases under your belt to realize that you really don't have to do it all.
We all want to be perfect wives and mothers, perfect decorators, perfect cooks, perfect friends. But it's just not possible to do it ALL and do it all well and with a good attitude. I wish I'd learned that sooner than I did! 😉 Thanks for reading, Stacey!
We just say no to Christmas in general. You can read my post about that here: http://dreamingofperfect.weebly.com/1/post/2013/12/should-christians-celebrate-christmas.html
Though I fully respect those who choose not to celebrate Christmas due to its pagan roots, it is also true we follow customs in many areas of our lives that trace directly back to paganism. Many of our marriage, birth, and death customs do the same, as well as games we play, songs we sing, and silly euphemisms we sometimes use. Removing every trace of pagan influence from our lives is virtually impossible and, I feel, unnecessary. Customs and traditions naturally evolve over time until often the pagan meanings are lost completely and have zero influence because they aren’t known or recognized any more.
Celebration of Christmas in modern times is part of orthodox Christianity. In fact, most Christians tend to view NOT celebrating it as something for pagans and cult members. Be that right or wrong, it is what it is. Celebrating Christmas is the accepted norm and I hope to encourage moms who may be overwhelmed with the stress of the season.
But as I said, I respect your decision to avoid it all. And, my, yes…I'm sure you DO avoid a lot of stress that way!
Either we know each other very well and/or we think alike. I guessed everything on your list before I read the blog- except Christmas baking. You're the Thanksgiving baking queen! LOL
PS I <3 gift bags!
I slacked off a little in the baking department this year. Ooo, but I DID make some mean homemade bread. I wish you'd been here to eat some! 🙂
Tanya, thank you for this liberating post! Just this morning, I was lamenting over my ever-growing Christmas to-do list. I feel lighter after visiting your blog. 🙂
I would love for you to come by my place and link this up on Thursday for Thought-Provoking Thursday.
Blessings to you, Homeschooling Mom. You are raising world changers. 🙂
Thank you for such kind words, Lyli. And thanks for the invitation to link up! I would love to!!
Getting stressed out over a season that's supposed to make everyone happy just doesn't make a bit of sense, does it? 🙂
I'm visiting today from Fun Friday. 🙂
My thoughts exactly! I'm learning…SLOWLY…to let some things go so I can have more HAPPY at Christmas and less STRESS.
So glad you stopped in!
One of the best things for myself and for my family that I am {slowly} getting better at is saying NO! This post is delightful to read right now, because I was feeling guilty for not having decorated for Christmas yet – and truly not "wanting" to! Found you at Modest Monday on The Modest Mom Blog and will be following you now!
God Bless!
Julie @ LA Strawberry Adventures
With Thanksgiving falling so late this year, we have an especially short Christmas season this year. It's making it hard for me to fit everything in as well! Sometimes saying no to some things is just necessary for our own sanity!
I'm delighted you sound me, Julie!
I don't think Christmas was ever meant to be a bank account wrecker, a sanity stealer, or a mood messer upper. When we allow it to become this, we lose the ability to rest in Christ's love, reflect on his gifts, and regroup with our families. Thanks for the reminder.
I whole-heartedly agree, Lori! I hate that true celebration of Christ's birth often gets lost in all the hubbub of the season. Sometimes it seems we can focus on Christ easier any other time of the year than at Christmas!
So glad you stopped by today!
Thanks so much for sharing this, it is so easy to get caught up in the pressure of wanting to please everyone during the holidays! I found this post through the Hip Homeschool Hop. I would love it if you linked up at my Anything Goes Link-Up! http://www.joyfocusedlearning.com/2013/12/anything-goes-link-up-4.html
I linked up! Thanks so much for the invitation, Angela!
Hi there! I popped over from the link party at Deep Roots At Home. You are so right, we need to keep all we do this time of year in perspective. Love your table redo post, also. I'm your newest follower, looking forward to reading more here. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
So glad to have you along for the ride!
You are adorable. I definitely need to peek around your blog a bit more. Thanks for sharing this, I completely agree! The holidays should be joyful, not stressful. Featuring this at our blog hop tonight!
Thank you so much! Most of all for calling me "adorable"! 🙂 I don't think I've been called adorable since 2nd grade! You've made my day…haha! Thanks so much for the feature!
Tanya,
I would like to feature this post tomorrow on the 'EOA' Link-up! Love your blog…Thanks for sharing at Deep Roots 🙂
Thank you so much for the opportunity to link up. And for the feature as well! Your blog is always such a blessing to me. 🙂
This is a great post! I put out a little less decorations this year! I'm so glad I went with less.:) Each and every point you made is a good one and we should be reminded every year!:)
Believe me, I often need to remind MYSELF! This is probably a post I need to remember to re-read every December! 🙂