It’s not 1977 anymore. Attitudes toward homeschooling are not what they once were and though, yes, there are still people out there who look upon homeschoolers with serious suspicion, doubters like that are becoming fewer and farther between.
The negative attitudes toward homeschooling that have been a thorn in the flesh for home educators for decades now are, thank heavens, beginning to fall away. Homeschooling is proving itself. (And, incidentally, so is the public school system, to its own chagrin.) It’s becoming harder and harder to argue with statistics that show homeschooling to be an effective, if not superior educational choice. And when issues like bullying and school safety are thrown in the mix, it only serves to make homeschooling all the more appealing to a wider audience than ever before.
When I tell people I homeschool, I’m not always met with a totally positive response, but, in most cases, neither am I met with a negative one. Sometimes, in fact, people are very curious. Parents who may never have considered homeschooling 10 years ago, (I was one of those!) are now beginning to at least think about it. And according to a report in the Education News, though only about 4% of school age children are currently homeschooled, the number of primary school students being homeschooled is growing seven times faster than the number of kids being enrolled in traditional K-12. More and more parents are not just thinking about taking control of their children’s education, but doing it.
But when I talk to parents who haven’t yet made that plunge into homeschooling, almost without fail I find a common thread in our conversations–there is primarily one obstacle standing in the way of them homeschooling their children.
FEAR. Utter, often paralyzing fear.
Now I think it can be helpful to realize that not having to take control of our children’s education is a fairly new phenomenon. Until a hundred or so years ago, deciding how your child would be educated was as intrinsic a part of parenting as providing them food and clothing. As a society, however, we’ve gotten so out of practice at this specific aspect of parenting that it’s really no wonder it frightens so many people so much, even in a day when there are more free and easily accessible sources of information available than ever in history!
Usually, I think, the fear of homeschooling comes in one of these forms, or maybe in a combination of them.
- I don’t want to homeschool because I fear what others will say.
Homeschooling is not the norm and sometimes it’s very, very hard to step out and do the “new thing”. It can be especially difficult when you know you won’t be supported by the friend who is a public school teacher or the father-in-law who spent 26 years as a public school principal. Then there’s your mom who’s sure to remind you how badly you did in high school geometry and your best friend who will probably bring up the fact the two of you cheated your way to a passing grade in Chemistry….
*And before I’m asked this question, let me throw in my disclaimer. I do not advocate homeschooling against the wishes of a spouse. That is the one person I feel should share your views on the issue, or at least be accepting of the attempt, before you begin. I’ve known several who eventually won their spouses over to the idea after time and patient prayer.
- I don’t want to homeschool because I fear the economic impact it will have on our family.
Homeschooling does require sacrifice, particularly for those who may have accumulated debt or just grown accustomed to living on two incomes. But while I realize there are sometimes extenuating circumstances, generally speaking, people find a way to afford the things that matter most to them.
I still hear people say it is impossible to live on a single income in this day and age. Really? Because I personally know scores of families doing it! Now are they living less extravagant lives than many of their friends and family? Absolutely, but they have decided what is most important and made their decisions accordingly.
Sometimes we have to be willing to ask ourselves some tough questions, like: What is most important–the brief years I have my child in my home or the vehicle in my driveway? What matters most–my child being educated in a safe environment in an individualized way, or the two-week vacation I long for every summer? No, it isn’t always that simple, but there are many times it is.
Sometimes the extras in our lives add up to a lot more than we realize whether in the upfront purchase price or later on in maintenance costs. Shopping. Eating out. Travel. Hobbies. Boats. ATVs. Digital devices. And sometimes the cost of working is more significant than people realize! I once had a friend who, when gas, parking fees, daycare expenses, and lunches were allotted for, was bringing home a whopping $100 extra dollars per month from her job. Yet convincing her she could quit work and stay home was absolutely impossible. Cutting out their cable and eating at home one extra time per month could easily have made up the difference.
Now I do understand that the move to homeschooling may require more drastic measures for some than for others. The high cost of living in one city may require a job change and a move. An oppressive house or car payment may require selling and downsizing. These are tough decisions and sometimes scary ones, but there are others who have overcome their own fears and made the necessary changes so they could be home to educate their children. It’s not always a change that can be made overnight, but with careful, intentional planning, so many are proving it can be done.
- I don’t want to homeschool because I’m afraid I’ll prove myself to be a terrible mother.
Aha! And here we find the fear that gripped ME most in my pre-homeschooling days! I was not, (and STILL am not,) a patient, long-suffering, ever-forbearing mom. I’m a natural loner, (how ironic that I should have four kids, huh?) and I’m short-tempered and stubborn and grumpy sometimes–everything I thought a homeschooling mom could not be.
Not only that, but I was struggling to hold my house together and keep my children in mostly clean clothes even before homeschooling! Putting on the perfect mom mask is part of being a good mom, right? Well I knew any image of myself as a good mom and homemaker was going to go down the toilet if I decided to homeschool!
But there were many flaws in my assumptions in those days, the first one being that homeschooling moms are naturally more patient than your average mom. Nothing could be further from the truth! While homeschooling does have a way of growing your patience, (maybe not at the rate we want, but growing it nonetheless,) that makes patience a product of homeschooling, not homeschooling a product of patience. (Did you get that? Read it one more time if you missed it.)
And homeschooling moms aren’t perfect homemakers either. With time, you can learn to live with a house that isn’t perfect. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. Really.
So if you’re worried homeschooling is going to reveal all the cracks in your own character and destroy your Super Mom image, IT WILL! But that’s really not so much of a negative as you might think. I truly believe homeschooling is making me a better mom, often by revealing the more undesirable aspects of my personality and helping me to deal with them. Growth in us as individuals, though admittedly painful at times, is really not something to be afraid of.
- I don’t want to homeschool because I’m afraid I’ll prove myself to be a terrible teacher.
Thank you for your honesty here. We have two daughters, ages three and one, and a son due in the winter. About a year ago we made the decision that we would home school them when they reached kindergarten, but recently my daughter has started acting out because she doesn't want to share, doesn't want to divide my attention, and just generally wants everything her way. We have some really tough days around here and frankly, I've been downright terrified about the prospect of homeschooling her in two years. Your post reminded me to keep my head up. Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂
"Tough days" are part of the territory, even for people who have been homeschooling a long time. But some things are simply worth the effort and I'm so glad you're making plans NOW to homeschool. You have no idea what a help that will be to you later on!
So glad you stopped by today, Mary!
I love your point about homeschoolers being unable to blame a teacher! I was at the park one day, and a little kid let a four letter word fly. His Mom turned to me and said, "He learns that stuff at school." So, I've started telling people that when my (homeschooled) little one misbehaves, too ; ) "She must've learned that at school!" ; )
Hahaha! Yes, it's a little hard to point fingers at others when your children are learning most things from YOU! Thank God He helps make up for our mistakes! 🙂
Sis. Tayna,
Thanks again for another great post… so encouraging… I still have a few years before we start homeschooling, but I admit I already fight the "fear" for ALL the reasons you called out. 🙂 It's nice to know I'm not the only one. Think I'll bookmark this post for the next time those thoughts come to mind.
Thanks again!
Rebecca Swafford
There may be times I need to refer back to it, too! 😉 Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart, but I love it and I'm thankful for the things I've learned from it.
This is a very new perspective for me. There was a point at which homeschooling would have been the right choice for our family. Fear wasn't what prevented us. Financial realities did. I was the logical parent to homeschool. I was also the primary breadwinner. Unfortunately, the need to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads won out and we had to send our daughters to subpar schools. I didn't feel the fear of judgment or incompetence though… but I also didn't homeschool, so perhaps those things would have hit later. In the end, not giving up my career was for the best. When my husband left me, we had to make comparatively minor adjustments to my daughters' lifestyle, which really helped them weather the divorce, their father's remarriage, and their new relationship with their stepmother and stepsisters.
Certainly circumstances vary from family to family, but the overwhelming number of people I talk to who might consider homeschooling otherwise usually do not only because of the one of the fears I mentioned. It was true of myself and so many of my homeschooling friends will agree. Now I wish I had homeschooled from the beginning!
We are in the very beginning years of home education, but all your listed fears have at least once, gone through my head. Thanks for the great post!!
And thanks for reading, Nickole!
Excellent post, Tanya ~ thank you for sharing your wisdom!
I don't know how much wisdom I have, but I was glad to share my thoughts at least. Thanks for reading, Penny!
Thank you! I'll be sharing this on my FB page & pinning it 🙂
I was a public school teacher before I began homeschooling my daughters and I wasn't afraid of being a bad teacher…but maybe a healthy dose of that uncertainty would have been helpful! I frustratingly discovered that all of my teaching training and ability to manage a class of 30 and home educating can not (and should not!) be approached in the same way.
I found you at the Growing Home link-up, and I'm glad that I did!
~Lisha
I'm so glad you found me, Lisha! As a former public school teacher, I hope you'll stop in and offer your insight again!
Thanks for reading!
Such wise words. I completely agree. I try to make a policy of never making a decision based on fear, but it is a habit that requires a lot of conscious intention on an ongoing basis!
You're right, Lucinda. So often we're motivated by fear in our decision-making without even realizing it. Recognizing the fear that controls us does much to help us overcome it!
Thanks for stopping by today!
Tanya,
This is such a wonderful post from start to finish. It definitely is a true break down of the most typical fears that non-homeschool parents have. I love how you even pointed out some of the fears current homeschool parents deal with daily.
I personally LOVE how you threw in that you are not patient and even tempered. Because I struggle deeply with those issues, and daily strive to be more patient and even tempered.
I also enjoyed the fact that you admitted to not being this all perfect homemaker. My house has not once looked perfect since I moved into it. I honestly think some of that has to do with my poor attitude concerning my house in general. It's not a home that I'm overly proud to live in, but it is ours none the less. I should be utterly grateful for having a house and a roof over my head instead.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and a bit of background into your own journey with homeschooling your kids.
-Crystal
Thank you so much for your kind words, Crystal. Homeschooling has probably revealed my imperfections more than anything in my life, but that's been a very good thing for me! It's helped me to lean more on God and to strive to do better in every way.
I'm so glad you stopped by today!
Thanks for linking up with us on Hip Homeschool Moms!! I enjoyed your article. 🙂
I love Hip Homeschool Moms! Thanks so much for the opportunity to link up!