Your happiness really is not the most important thing.
Ouch. I think most of us read that and something within us bristles a little.
Because we want to be happy. I mean, we really want it. All of us. And it’s human nature to seek out our own happiness and satisfaction at all costs. We feel we deserve to be happy. We have the right to be happy.
Except that we don’t. Look at things from a biblical standpoint, (which I realize isn’t a priority if you’re a nonbeliever, but hang with me here,) and it’s hard to find any scriptural support for our “deserving” happiness.
But I think it’s interesting that even the founding fathers of our nation seemed to recognize happiness as an elusive and often fleeting state of heart and mind. Obviously aware that happiness is often hard-sought and not easily gained, they listed our “unalienable Rights” as Life, Liberty, and the PURSUIT of Happiness. The truth is, they knew full-well that every effort in the world, and even all the good fortune in the world, cannot guarantee a person will be happy.
And yet there is a mindset pervading our culture that says there is nothing more important than our happiness. What’s even worse, many within the Christian community push the same idea, even going so far as to claim that God wants us happy above all other things.
Except that He doesn’t. I’m sorry, but He just doesn’t.
There are things more important than our happiness.
Just the other day I stumbled across a thread in one of the many ‘mom groups’ I am a part of on social media and found there a woman I do not know expressing her unhappiness in her marriage. Honestly, she seemed sincere… not demeaning toward her husband or critical of him. In fact, she said he had always been faithful to her and worked hard to provide for her. He wasn’t perfect, but she knew he loved her and he was good to her.
But she wasn’t happy. She said she wasn’t in love with her husband and hadn’t been for years and she was asking the advice of other moms.
Fortunately there were several wise women offering good and sound advice, and she seemed to respond to it. But I was startled at the number of women who openly and confidently encouraged her to leave her husband for no other reason than that she wasn’t happy. We’re not talking about a marriage plagued with infidelity or addictions or abuse, where the issue of staying or going, even if just for a time of separation, becomes much more complicated.
We’re just talking about a woman who wasn’t happy. And so again and again I read comments like this:
You only live once! You have to do what makes you happy…
Listen, honey, your happiness is the most important thing…
God wouldn’t want you in an unhappy marriage.
And I was so bothered by the implications of those statements, not just in how they apply to marriage, but to every area of our lives.
For one thing, at least where marriage is concerned, the concept of happiness first is completely unbiblical. Like it or not, the Bible is pretty clear about the covenant of marriage and there is one, and only one exception given for divorce — infidelity. (Matthew 19:7-9) The Bible does seem also to acknowledge that sometimes an unbelieving spouse will choose to walk away from a marriage and the believer may not be able to bring reconciliation to the relationship. (1 Corinthians 7:15-17)
But nowhere in the Bible is there any allowance made for divorce on the grounds of unhappiness. I’m sorry, but it’s just not there.
But the concept of my happiness first defies logic as much as it violates scripture. And if we carry that notion into every area of our lives we will bring chaos and disorder and, interestingly enough, considerable unhappiness to our own lives and the lives of others.
Because if our ultimate happiness is REALLY the most important thing, suddenly a lot of things begin to change.
If happiness matters most, then people unhappy in their jobs should quit them, whether there are bills to pay and mouths to feed and an economy to drive or not! A woman whose pregnancy is interfering with her happiness has every right then to abort her baby. Someone who is unhappy that their neighbor has a brand new sports car now has the right to take it from them. A housewife unhappy in her role as a mom can walk away from her precious children, no questions asked. A drug dealer has the right to sell to as many people as he wants, if doing so gives him money enough to make him happy. A man unhappy with the fact he is expected to care for an ill relative should feel free to abandon them. And anyone and everyone who wants to end their life because of their own unhappiness should by all means do so.
But we know that’s not right. Because there’s such a thing as responsibility. And right and wrong. And, yes, those things are more important than our happiness.
Listen, I don’t believe for a moment that God wants us to be unhappy. I don’t even think He’s indifferent to the idea! I think God desires our happiness, but not at the expense of what is good and right. He wants us to find it in obedience and contentment, not in giddy feelings He knows will come and go like the summer breeze.
Feelings, including happiness, are fickle and fleeting and totally, completely unreliable. That’s why things like faith and relationships should never be built upon them. Feelings will come and go, and sometimes may never come at all! But the absence of feeling should never be a factor in our decision between right and wrong.
Doing the right thing may not bring happiness. At least, not right away. Often, with time, our taking responsibility, or taking a stand, or learning to obediently accept what we cannot change, can lead to happiness, or at least to some measure of it.
But let me add, too, that this world is not meant to be the source of our happiness. Especially as Christians we should be careful not to look to things and people and circumstances to satisfy and complete us. We live in a broken, sin-cursed world, and why would God want us to find our ultimate happiness in a place so shattered and dysfunctional? In Him we find goodness, mercy, grace, true love and all the things that make for real happiness. And, someday, God will take us to a place where everything will be set right again, and where the effects of sin and shame, disappointment and poor decisions will never be able to touch us again.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. There’s also nothing wrong with pursuing what we think will add to our happiness. We do that daily anyway, whether it be with the food we choose to eat, the places we choose to go, the things we choose to buy, and the people we choose to keep company with.
But we should always remember our happiness is NOT the most important thing. It can never replace what is good and true and honest and upright.
But God help us find our satisfaction and our contentment in Him.
“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being…” Acts 17:28
You’ll find this post linked up with some of these great blogs:
This is so true! I appreciate your courage in sharing what is “unpopular” in our world, but so true, nonetheless! For we who claim His name are called to be holy first and not necessarily happy. But I do believe we are recipients of joy..in my mind that is a deep-seated contentment and peace that abides in the face of what life brings. Thanks again, you are a breath of fresh air!!
Thank you so much, Marcia! I actually felt like I should have gone into that part of it more… about the joy and peace that God provides, even in the absence of circumstances that can create happiness. I think a huge part of that kind of peace is just learning contentment, which is something God will give us the grace to do as well, if only we’ll ask for it.
So glad you stopped by today! Thanks for reading. 🙂
I completely agree, Marcia!
i really appreciated this. It is a good thing to find yourself contented in Gods love and plan rather than ‘things’ or objects of our own desire that we think will bring happiness. Sometimes I need a good old fashioned reminding. Thanks so much.
I think we all need the reminder sometimes. Our culture pushes so much the idea that what makes us happy should always be first, but it’s such a lie. If all of us truly did that, our world be in even more chaos than it is now! Changing what we can and then learning to be content should be our priority.
Thanks so much for reading today, Marsha!
You are right both on the scriptural aspect of this topic and in the fact that it is illogical. If a husband is not happy and therefore it is okay to abandon his wife and children, then what about the “rights” of the wife and children to be happy when he becomes a deadbeat dad and his ex and children can hardly make ends meet because of his irresponsible behavior? And later on when he finds out that the grass was not really greener on the other side of the fence, his guilt and feelings of failure will certainly not make him a happy person will they?
And if one person’s happiness comes from stealing from another person, what about the happiness of the person who was stolen from.
And if a person feels he will never be happy unless a certain person is dead, so he murders that person….??
No, there’s no logic to any of that. You are right. Our true happiness for which our soul searches comes only in true surrender to God.
To seek our own happiness and that alone is sure to destroy the happiness of SOMEBODY around us, and most likely will lead to our misery as well. Wanting to be happy is natural and normal, I think, but it’s so important that we keep our desire for happiness in the proper perspective. The examples you gave exactly made my point.
Thank you so much for reading today!
Amen! Well said! 🙂
Sadly, instead of looking to God and finding our peace and joy in Him, we look to the world, the government, and all the “I wants” to make us happy. Then we’re depressed when they don’t deliver! Thanks for a great reminder! I hope you’ll link this on Mondays @ Soul Survival. Have a great week!
Thanks so much for the invitation, Donna! And for taking the time to comment. As you said, our peace and joy can only be found in HIM, and any time we look elsewhere, we’re sure to be disappointed!
This was so inspiring! I once heard it said that Christ doesn’t call us to a life of happiness. He calls us to a life of holiness. I’ve found in my own life, that holiness is sometimes made in the most unhappy times. Hard times draw us closer to Christ and really teach us what joy in the Lord truly means. Great read! Thanks for sharing it with the A Little R and R link party. That’s how I found you…
I’m so glad you found me, Krystal! And you are so right. It is amazing the way God can use the things that make us unhappy to bring us face-to-face with our own weaknesses and sins, and to make us more aware of our need for Him. If we’ll allow Him to do it, He can use those unhappy times to make us more like Him.
So glad you stopped by today! It’s a joy to “meet” you.
Such great points! I too was thinking along the same lines you were… there are some people who find happiness in other people’s pain and therefor happiness can not be our compass.
Sadly, that’s true! Happiness is so subjective. It’s a dangerous thing to base all our decisions upon it.
So, I did a search for “happy” in the King James Bible, and after reading the verses, I have to conclude that a goodly portion of the misunderstanding is that we don’t pay enough attention to what God says should make us happy. Well, that isn’t a surprise since His thoughts and ways are not ours!
One thing I do know, though. The road to happiness is not paved with selfish choices or liking to do wrong. I know a woman who chose that route and she is jail today. Not exactly where most people expect to end up in their “pursuit of happiness”. 🙁 But, as Proverbs warns us more than once, sometimes the paths that seem right to us lead to death, or in this case serious unhappiness.
Oh, so often people want nothing to do with the things God says will lead to happiness! Of course they generally require self-denial, which to our sinful, selfish way of thinking could NEVER lead to happiness. But you’re so right…when we are willing to follow God’s way and allow Him to transform our thinking, it’s amazing how much easier it can be to find happiness.
Thanks for reading!