A special kind of despair begins to settle over a mom when no one seems to have any answers.

You seek out help for your child because you realize you’re in way over your head. There has to be somebody who can help, right? Surely there is someone with more knowledge and experience, who understands this monster and knows how to deal with it.

But very, VERY quickly you begin to realize that YOU know far more about this than the “experts” you’ve gone to for help. Even educated and trained medical personnel seem to have only the most superficial knowledge of OCD.

And they are dismissive.

Because everybody thinks they know what OCD is and what it looks like. Lots of people, because they are particular or precise or germophobic, even think they have it! They will wear their self-diagnosis like a badge of honor, never missing an opportunity to tell you how OCD they are.

But you know they have never seen what you’ve seen, or even once dealt with the things you have dealt with, and the fact they reduce it to a pesky personality trait grinds you.

These “experts” seem incapable, (or maybe unwilling… you’re never really sure,) to recommend anything other than medication, or to refer you to anyone who might have greater knowledge and expertise.

So what’s a mom to do, but to go in search of help on her own? You read and study and learn.

And you pray. Oh, OF COURSE, you pray!

But the pursuit of better help is lonely and discouraging, because there is NO ONE telling you where to go or who to call next. Nobody has any advice to offer. Nobody is telling you how to navigate the whole process. It feels like… for lack of a better term… a total crapshoot. You are walking blindly, just hoping and praying, praying, praying to stumble across something… ANYTHING, or ANYONE helpful.

And because it involves mental health, there is a STIGMA. An ugly and unjust STIGMA that makes you feel even more isolated and alone.

And because of the stigma people say unkind and insensitive things. Not because they’re mean, usually, but because they don’t know. And it always amazes you the strong and confident opinions people can have on things they have never experienced and on issues they know absolutely NOTHING about. You try to extend grace, because you realize people say what they say and do what they do from a place of ignorance.

But it still hurts.

But who has time for hurt feelings? Especially when you find yourself running into brick walls everywhere you turn.

“We have a terrific program for adolescents.”

“But she’s over 18.”

“Oh.”

“Is there substance abuse? If so, she qualifies for XYZ.”

“No substance abuse.”

“Then I’m sorry. We can’t help you.”

Someone tells you there is help HERE, then you find you don’t meet the criteria. Someone else says there is help THERE, but you learn you don’t qualify.

And all the while the OCD is growing. It feeds on compulsions and grows like a weed, extending its tendrils, entangling its victim, and choking, choking, choking.

The reading and studying become more desperate. And so does the prayer.

And you learn through your own research, (because, again, no one is telling you this stuff,) that there is a therapy considered the “gold standard” for treating OCD. It is called ERP, (Exposure and Response Prevention,) and many consider it the ONLY effective therapy in the treatment of OCD.

But therapists trained in it are RARE, most don’t accept any kind of insurance, and the therapy is very expensive.

You learn there are facilities that specialize in the treatment of OCD using this therapy, but there are none in your state, the waiting lists are long, and the expense is astronomical. Residential treatment would be your only option, and it isn’t affordable or feasible, even if you felt it was the right thing for your child.

Again, this is deemed by many as the ONLY effective therapy for OCD. And the more you learn about it, the more troubled you become.  

Because not all OCD is about germs or symmetry. OCD can fixate on anything important to a person, and because your child’s faith is important to her, her OCD latches onto it with a vengeance. They call this scrupulosity, or religious OCD. It has been documented for centuries, and it affects OCD sufferers of all faith backgrounds.

But the methods used by most ERP therapists in the treatment of religious OCD violate everything you believe in as a Christian. And you aren’t learning this from a single source, but from MANY sources, and so you know it is standard procedure.

And now you are more discouraged than ever, because “experts” are telling you they will have to wreck your daughter’s faith before she can ever overcome her OCD.

Umm, NO. That doesn’t even make sense, and only a person who has no concept of a relationship with God and life-altering faith would even suggest it.

But what if there was a Christian ERP therapist?

Could that even be a thing? I mean, you’ve had a hard time finding a therapist at all, and now you hope to find one who shares your faith and is committed to honoring biblical principles?

What else is there to do but to pray and to try? You begin the research, and you make the calls, send out the emails, and fill out the forms. A handful of psychiatrists and therapists in the state identify as Christians, but every single one you speak to either isn’t accepting new patients, isn’t experienced with OCD, isn’t trained in ERP, serves only adolescents, or can’t see your daughter for months.

It’s hardly encouraging. The OCD is still growing. In fact, it hits crisis level. You need help NOW.

But.

All along the way you have been building on your own knowledge of this monster called OCD. You’ve learned a great deal, too, about the brokenness of the healthcare system, particularly where mental health is concerned. It’s made you sadder, certainly, but oh, so, wiser, and you see where some closed doors were an answered prayer.

You have HATED the waiting and the not knowing and the blind searching, and yet the insight you gained HERE led you to ask the right questions THERE. And the knowledge you gained from THIS conversation helped direct you then in THAT conversation. As unbelievable as it all seems, the fails and frustrations seem to be channeling you toward better things.

Your naturopath, of all people, tells you of a new conventional doctor coming to the area. He is local, experienced with OCD, and accepting new patients. More incredibly, he actually accepts your input as the ones living in the trenches of OCD, and he strives to understand more than anyone has done so far.

Then a text conversation with a fellow homeschool mom goes something like this:

“I didn’t know you were dealing with these things. I know some Christian counselors. Would you want me to ask if they can recommend anyone?”  

“By all means!”

And before it is over, you have the name of an experienced CHRISTIAN ERP therapist. She is highly trained and SPECIALIZES in the treatment of religious OCD. She also assures you she will be God-honoring in every step of the therapy process, and everything she does will be done within the confines of scripture. You can even begin therapy the next week!

And you, the tired, but thankful mom, look on as she works to not only free your daughter from the chokehold of OCD, but to free her relationship with God from it, too.  

And she is affordable to boot! How on earth is that even possible?

And you find yourself weeping. Disbelieving. Overwhelmed with gratitude.

Not that this is over! Honestly, the healing has just begun. You don’t know why God doesn’t sweep in and give complete healing when you know it’s in His power to do so. But you also know He’ll find a way to work it for good.

Reaching such a place of desperation took a long time, and no doubt reaching a place of full healing will take a long time, too. Healing is a process.

But things seem headed in a much better direction, and you and your daughter have hope where hope had been elusive for a very long time.

It is amazing the difference a little hope can make.

Sometimes God is painfully quiet in the dark places of our lives, but I’ve found He is never absent, or neglectful, or otherwise occupied. He is always there with grace enough.

And to those struggling with issues of mental health, or laboring as caretaker to someone with these struggles, my heart goes out to you today. It is such a hard and lonely place to be.

But God is not blind or deaf to the struggles. And there are people who understand, too. They are not always easy to find or connect with, but I think it’s important to remember that they exist. It’s true, too, that eyes are opening, and attitudes are changing, slowly, toward issues of mental health.

Whoever you are, and whatever your situation, I pray you can find HOPE today.