Mom and stress. Some would probably say the words are synonymous.
And there’s no question, mamas: Some stages of motherhood are defined by a unique kind of craziness. Need an example? How about the newborn stage with its inexplicable crying, endless feedings and diaper changes, and night after night after night of sleeplessness? Stress is kind of par for the course…
And there may be periods within each stage where certain circumstances make life especially difficult: A chronic illness. A job loss. The death of a loved one.
But how do you think God feels about us living in stress? I mean, setting up camp there. Dwelling in this state of almost constant anxiety, day after day, month after month, year after year.
You’ve heard these scriptures and others like them before, but let’s do a little review:
Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts… — Colossians 3:14
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard you hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6-7
Scriptures like this indicate God sees living in stress as completely unnecessary at best and absolutely sinful at worst. When we are controlled by stress we not only live below our potential in Christ, but we also reject His promises as untrue and directly disobey His command to trust Him.
Ouch. I would say I’m not alone in feeling the need for a little repentance. (Or a lot of it!)
A little soul-searching is in order to help us manage stress and overcome it. Often it’s a matter of surrendering our concerns to God and believing Him to fix them when we can’t do it on our own.
There are other times, however, when a little self-interrogation and some hands-on efforts can bring our stress into perspective and help us reduce it, if not eliminate it.
So let me put some questions to you, mamas…
What is making you stressed?
Sometimes the source of the anxiety in our lives is glaring to us. Believe it or not, that can actually make it easier to deal with! For example, the prolonged serious illness of a child or the loss of life or income or home is sure to be a strain upon a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. Right away there is something obvious and concrete that is creating the stress and anxiety.
If anything good can be said about these difficult times in our lives, it is that they reveal our weaknesses and force us to throw ourselves helplessly at the feet of Jesus.
But often our stress is multi-faceted and the source of it a little less clear. This is where it’s a good idea sometimes to stop and ask ourselves some hard questions: What is leaving me so stressed out all the time? Why do I feel this way? What has changed in my life and habits to bring me to this place of constant anxiety?
Is it just the fact that I’m lacking sleep? Is it because I’m trying to do too many things right now? Or could it be that I’m too busy trying to please too many people?
Ask the hard questions, mamas. And be honest in your answers. It can reveal a lot to you about yourself and the source of your stress.
What matters to you most?
Answering this question may help you answer the next, but I’ll explain that in a minute.
Sometimes listing out our priorities can be a big help when it comes to dealing with our stress. Moms are natural nurturers and multi-taskers. Both are great qualities, but they can also make us prone to over-commitment. Identifying the things that matter most to us can help us determine to block time and attention for the most important things, while letting other things go.
If we are Christian moms, then Christ should always be the most important thing in our lives. Things like prayer and Bible reading and church attendance, while they can never save a person, are important because the Bible says they are important and it is hard, if not impossible, to grow properly in our faith without them. These things, too, are what helps increase our faith so that we can trust God more and deal with anxiety less.
Beyond that, what things do you consider important? If date nights with your husband are a priority, then other things may have to be set aside. If eating dinner together as a family is essential to you, then other things may have to be cut from your routine. If you feel music lessons for the kids are the most important thing, then soccer may have to go.
What matters? Figure it out and be prepared to face the next question.
What can you cut from your life and schedule?
This is where it gets hard. Really hard.
As moms, we take on tasks and add things to our schedules for all kinds of reasons, and often our reasons aren’t really good ones. Sometimes we do things because we want to, sometimes because we think we need to. Too often we take things on because nobody else will or because we think somebody else wants us to.
Seriously, mamas: Why are you trying to do so much?
It’s tough, but sometimes we have to accept that the stress in our lives is our own doing. We commit to so many things to please so many people, or even because they are things we really, truly want to do, and yet they suck up so much of our time and our energy and our joy that there is really no other recourse but to start cutting some things loose, even if only temporarily.
It may mean disappointing the kids by telling them some of the extracurricular activities have to be cut. It may mean letting go of guilt to tell a relative you just can’t babysit for them anymore. It may call for your resignation from a committee that you enjoy being a part of, or even stepping away from participation in a ministry that is worthwhile.
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It’s too bad we can’t just cut every stressful event from our lives, right?
But the truth is, as moms we are often the world’s worst about piling on responsibilities and obligations until we are miserable and living lives wracked with anxiety and depression.
Sometimes we just have to ask ourselves the tough questions and then make the tough decisions. With God’s help we don’t have to live our lives in a state of constant stress.
